My parents have counseled me a lot to learn how to sell myself to people - manipulating others' opinions of me. I have worked hard to not burn bridges as I go and have developed the skill of being perfectly civil to people I absolutely can't stand.
I have always been mostly introverted and quiet. In a new situation, I like to sit in the back and watch the room for a while, sizing up everybody else and learning the ropes. When other people take leadership roles, I will quietly (though not blindly) follow them, respecting the hierarchy of authority. Because of this, I don't generally come across as someone who can lead.
On the other hand, I am a perfectionist and a control freak. Over the years I've learned to keep these enough in check so that they help me lead more than they hinder. I have gotten better about delegation, and am driven to achieve the most that I can. But I don't know how to convey this to people without being obnoxious.
In almost every leadership interview I've ever had (primarily within marching band), I've gone in with something to prove. From watching people, I tend to have a good idea of what the interviewer thinks of me coming in. Often, I have to turn that on its head: yes, I'm quiet, but I know when and how to be heard; no, you haven't noticed me, but I've given my heart and soul to this organization.
Getting passed over for positions makes me wonder what it means to be a leader and if you can ever know if you are a good one. Aristotle once said that the best leaders are those that do not wish to lead, and I have seen that to be true. Along those lines of thinking though, I do not qualify as a great leader. So what other criteria can you use?
Some people are driven to lead because they see the big picture and can engineer how things fit with each other to make a system work smoothly. Others are drawn by the promise of glory, pay raises, and the simple rush of authority. Many other people probably fall somewhere along that spectrum. It is easy for followers to tell who is leading because they love it or leading because they want to be in charge. It's a lot harder for a leader to evaluate themselves.
I've often wondered what people think of me when I'm in leadership positions. Though I set high standards and expect them to be met, I also try to be friendly and take ownership of the group. My mom once stopped me when I was talking about some freshmen in the band and pointed out that I'd referred to them as "my rookies," explaining that that's where I differ from other people as a leader. A failure in one of my followers is a failure of mine, and likewise for successes. Leaders need followers as much as followers need leaders, and that symbiosis is important for leaders to remember.
Should leaders judge themselves by their group's successes and failures? By how much their followers like them at the end of the day? By how far they can climb up the ladder? By their passion? Machiavelli famously believed that it is better to be feared than loved because people fear you on your terms but love you on their own. I'd personally rather be liked at the end of the day, but not at the cost of my principles or goals.
But back to the original topic: once you understand who you are as a leader, how do you present that to other people? I am bad at it because I don't really know how to evaluate myself as a leader, and so I can't come up with ways to sell myself to others. When composing a resume or answering strength/weakness questions in an interview, it's very hard to avoid cliches and seeming like you're bragging, but you aren't noticed if you don't brag a little, especially in a big organization. There has to be a happy medium, but I think one of the biggest factors is confidence in yourself while still having an eye towards your weaknesses. I'm still working on the former.
While I figure this out, I'll continue to put my head down and work, quietly helping where I can, and hoping that my passion and dedication speak for themselves in the end.
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